You ever get the feeling you'll never grow old?

I can't see myself living past 40. It's not that I have a death wish or anything like that. I just can't actually visualize myself at that age.

I can picture 30, and even 35, but after 40 it just gets blurry.

I think my biggest worry is that I'll change into something that I don't want to (Destroyer, "Don't Become The Thing You Hated"), but time will render this transformation unavoidable. Just like when I imagine what music I'll be listening to 5 years from now. Even looking at the way my friends who are 3-4 years older than me have gotten into weird obscure noise albums, or else totally bland pop music, or indie rock or whatever.... Fuck. I just want to stick to this middle ground, forever.

I've listened to the 4 Japanther albums on my computer almost 3 times all the way through over the last 5 hours or so. I also just finished reading Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, and started into Kurt Cobain's journals (some wild shit in the journals, including a note to Dave Grohl kicking him out of the band from 1988.... weird).

I'm sure none of this media is helping with my current mood. Cobain was never going to grow old either, and of course Japanther would symbolize a fear of music degeneration, being totally simple lo-fi punk shit that I've been listening to for, again, 5 fucking hours now.

Coherency = nil. Success.