Ministry ruled my formative years

This friday, Ministry are playing the commodore, and the show is sold out. Tickets are going for $100 right now, based largely on the fact that this is the "last" Ministry tour ever.

I am going to great lengths to acquire the $100 that might be necessary to attend. Here is why:

In 1996, I was in 8th grade. My step dad made me a tape of Ministry's album "Filth Pig", and it blew me away. I then got into the previous album, with their one hit, "Jesus Built My Hotrod", and finally fell in love with their 3 key 80's industrial masterpieces, plus the shredding mini-live album, "In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up".

From the age of 12 to around 16, I would have called them my favourite band, based largely on their incredible transformation from a creepy electro-rock thing, into the sludgy beast of the late 90's, with all periods sounding equally as impressive. Ministry's history of stylistic reformation is on par with Bob Dylan, whom they covered "Lay Lady Lay", one of the songs that actually turned me onto Ministry so madly at 12 years old in the first place. It's mad cyclical.

Anyway, I have $25 in cash. $44 in US funds to transfer over. I'm harassing a friend to pay me back $15. I'm bringing in 10 months of liquor bottles piled up in my closet. I'm taking in my jar of change to the safeway for sorting, and hopefully $10-$15.

The reason is, my heroes are playing their final tour. I intend to say goodbye.

Wise Words 2

Paul, getting dressed to head out to a show, putting on a pair of socks.

"Oh... I think this is a cum sock."

Heads back to his room.

I feel its brilliance lies in its simplicity.

The Boredoms and straight gin

I went to Seattle to watch The Boredoms last night. Holy hell. Amazing.

The setup was 5 members with drum kits, and behind the lead singer, he had a 7-necked guitar, which he would sometimes turn around to hit with his drum sticks, and play the aforementioned 7-necked guitar. Plus lots of screaming.

Kris bought me a "double whiskey sour", which turned out to be straight gin. I decided it was too awful to sip, so I slammed back the glass, and proceeded to have it kick my ass. The first half of the show was worth the drive though, border hassles included.

The border police were very thorough, and asked if any of us had ever been handcuffed. Ugh...

Top 5 movies to watch when you're drunk

I could talk about real things, like how I fell asleep on the night bus, and woke up in Surrey without my ipod, and had to pay $40 for a cab ride home...

But I figured I'd do something less depressing.

1) Robocop

Something about watching Robocop kill junkies and rapists really appeals to me when I'm drunk.

2) Repo Man

I think I like it because they eat out of things labeled "food", and drink out of cans labeled "drink".

3) The Thing

Not sure why the hell this is a good drinking movie. It's kind of slow, and it's got no real cheese-factor, like most of my other favourite drinking movies. Maybe it's the whole interrogation scene that does it for me, when the one guy's head rips off, and starts creeping around the room. I have a special loathing of authority when I'm drunk (unless that authority is Robocop).

4) Commando, or anything with Steven Seagal

Commando is just amazing, in every way. Arnold just rips things a lot, like sheet metal, and chain link fences, with his bare hands. He also has a knife gun, and one gun-smashing-face sound effect that's used about 80 times in the film. Oh, and the bad guy is a fat British dude wearing chain mail. Holy fuck. I can't even talk about Steven Seagal now.

I also can't think of an appropriate 5th movie for the list. So why mess with a good thing?

Completely unrelated, but I really fucking hope I get my ipod back.

I wanna go corporate

I'm in the doghouse at work. Basically, I drank too much last night, showed up an hour late this morning, and left 2 hours early feeling sick. Not something to win over your employers when you've been with a company less than 3 weeks.

Really though, I hate the fact that I can't just call in. I want to be part of a massive corporation, where you aren't watched all the time, and where you CAN drink too much on a weeknight, and call in sick the next day.

I want to be nameless and faceless.

I mean, I don't really want any of these things. But that dream job idea really isn't working, so... bring on the corporate desk job. I'm sure I'd find all new and exciting things to hate.

Wise Words

I'm landscaping some crazy mansions these days. Most of the time, we're just stirring up soil, since there's no real work to do.

My co-worker, Niko, is Polish. Good command of English, but still a thick accent. This is his comment on the situation today at work:

"This place is shiny like dog's balls. Why we here?"

It was a good day.

Now off to see some of my favourite bands on the planet. Winning, then Secret Mommy.

Ah, weekend...

Pitchfork sucks a lot, and I'll tell you why

Jeffrey Lewis, if you read a couple posts back, is one of the best songwriters of this generation. That's just my opinion.

I think he's developed a lot as a songwriter. His first album had some great songs that took weird twists, but also had lyrics that should have been cut down a lot, as they tended to drag.

Each album has improved upon the one before it, with the exception of the new album "12 Crass Songs". That isn't to say the new album is bad, it's just kind of a side-step. Given that Jeffrey Lewis albums are mainly listened to for their lyrical content, clearly a covers album should be taken for what it is.

Pitchfork Media, in their infinite wisdom, waited until the album had already been out 4 months, to review it as a 2.3 out of 10.

It shouldn't shock me anymore, but I just wanted to point out what a bunch of fucking idiots run that site. The only reason I continue to go there, and probably always will, is that they review 5 albums per day. It is essentially a tool for finding out what new things to download. I've long since given up reading, or even checking the scores, of any of their reviews.

Eddie Argos, lead singer of Art Brut, claims that Jeffrey Lewis is one of his 5 favourite songwriters. John Peel thought enough of Lewis to give him a Peel Session. Still, Pitchfork won't buy into the hype. That is, if there were any hype to buy into. They create all "indie-centric" opinion to be re-hashed by all the people who say "music is my life", and STILL Jeffrey Lewis succeeds by putting out these great records.

It's just a fucking shame that all the suckers who still take P-fork seriously will never listen to a weird little album, that rests somewhere between interesting and great, because the almighty tastemaker has deemed it to be worthy of 2.3 imaginary units of goodness.

Here's a quote from the review:

"The formal disconnect between source and style actually sort of works once, on the anarchist manifesto "Big A Little A"... twelve songs is eleven too many, but that song, by itself, would've been a clever gesture."

They can't even pick the best song on the album.

I hope this whole "indie" craze dies sometime soon, and we can all go back to REAL corporations controlling our musical taste.

Rich Kids

My new job is crazy. It's my 7th year landscaping, but I started up with a new company. The money and benefits are WAY better than I've ever had before. But the contracts are also really different.

We have contracts with 3 private schools of kindergarten to grade 12.

Remember when you were a kid, and other kids would say "my dad could beat up your dad," or "my big brother could beat up your big brother"? Listen to this gem.

"My mom can spend more money than your mom."

Awesome.