April 27th

Well, it's 2 am on april 27th. April 27th used to be my anniversary, and this one would be the 9 year mark. (If you want to get technical, it is still the 9 year anniversary of when I started dating Jen, we just aren't together anymore, so there won't be any celebrating, I don't think.)

I guess it's just one less thing to worry about. No valentine's, girlfriend's birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

But that's not the whole story, and it's not even close to the truth. I liked buying things for Jen. I wanted her to feel the way I did when I read amazing books, or listened to mind-shatteringly great albums. I miss these things.

But I think back to when we started dating, and how Jen told me that she preferred to be called "Jennifer". I did that for years, spending the time to add those extra syllables thousands of times in conversation with her, or with other people. At some point, I stopped doing that, and went with "Jen" instead.

Now, today isn't an anniversary anymore. And I'm still too much of an asshole to add those 2 extra syllables to her name. This isn't self-loathing, or any great revelation. It's just a microcosm of how relationships disintegrate right in front of you.

A bunch of other things have happened in the 3 weeks since I wrote.

I got a raise.

I went on dates with a bunch of terrible women, and one good one.

I'm sure there's some music that's completely taking over my life.

But it's april 27th. I'll write about all that typical shit on some other non-anniversary.

Fresh start

So, I'm starting to blog again. I think I had 3 people reading it before, and haven't posted in 5 months. I guess I stopped because I was at a point of thinking that nobody cares what anybody says about music, because listening is such a personal thing.

This time around, it's just going to be an everything blog, though I'm sure you'll still get bitchy music rants pretty often.

So, life....

I've come to realize one crucial thing about dating; I hate the feeling of being in a position of superiority to whoever I'm seeing, in any way. Ideally, I want someone who knows more music, movies, philosophy, world history, fucking anything that will at least put me in a position of not knowing. I can't continue seeing these women in which I constantly feel like I need to teach them everything.

For example, I was watching a hockey game with a girl the other night, and I dumbed myself down to the point that I made the remark "I wish I had a cool name like Bates Battaglia". I'm sure there are dumber things that I could've said, but seriously, that's not me.

And I'm not saying that I need to constantly talk about existentialism, or poetry, or David Lynch films, or anything really. I just want a woman where these topics, and similar topics, are options for conversation.